Hobo With A Shotgun (2011)

Cast: Rutger Hauer, Pasha Ebrahimi and Robb Wells

Writers: John Davies, Jason Eisener, Rob Cotterill

Director: Jason Eisener

Okay, This is perhaps, in my opinion, the GREATEST film ever made. Do you like Blood, Guts, Gore and MADNESS? Well "Hobo With A Shotgun" definitely delivers a wide variety of of the red stuff and twisted dark humor. "Hobo With A Shotgun" was first scene in Robert Rodriguez's Grindhouse trailer contest called "South By Southwest" and won the contest, having the then "faux" trailer (starring David Brunt as the "Hobo"), shown in Canada along side of the other Faux trailers in the theatrical release of Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's "Grindhouse Double Feature". Myself as well as other fans were in love with the idea of the film and wished it real. Behold, our prayers were answered and the films lived up to every expectation I could ever expect.

"Welcome to fuck town" a city that is run and pretty much owned by the sinister "Drake" (Brian Downey) and his two goony sons "Slick" (Gregory Smith) and "Ivan" (Nick Bateman). The City where our kind hearted "Hobo" (Rutger Hauer) comes for a new start and boy does he get one. After seeing several acts of cruelty and violence and after being attacked and tossed out like garbage, our kind hearted hero decides it's time to clean the streets the only he knows how, WITH A SHOTGUN. That's right, he joins the bumfight krew to earn enough money to clean the streets one shell at a time.

"Hobo With A Shotgun" is a relentless, brutal, balls through the wall, dark comedic splatter fest, Which in every way pays full homage to exploitation cinema. It's the film Machete wished it could be and with film a much lesser budget. There was no massive over used CGI and no all star cast of A-list actors, it was done the way any new filmmaker trying to break out into the film industry should be able to do a film, WITH BALLS. This film is definitely a gem in it's own right and all the big time directors trying to mimic the Grindhouse "feel" should probably watch films like this, "Run! Bitch Run!" and take down a few notes. Also remember that films shown in Grindhouse theaters lacked CGI.

The story is great and is consistent, it does is drift left, right and fall out of a window. It keeps with great pace, intense dialog and of course an abundance of violence. The acting is also very memorable to the exploitation films of the past and is also the threading piece that helps keep the film together. I did like David Brunt's performance in the trailer, but Rutger Hauer was an excellent choice to replace Brunt with, whom by the way has an appearance in the film as one of the cops. So he was still apart of it which is always excellent.

The violence and gore was satisfactory and definitely over the top in the blood depot. I wouldn't know where to begin with the symphony of butchery displayed in this film as to not ruin it for the fans that have yet to see it. But to describe it in a nutshell all I can say is EPIC. If you know anyone that shocks easy, has a soft stomach or doesn't like too much violence in their eye diet, make them watch this. In the end they'll either hate you or love you for showing them one of the greatest films of 2011. For anyone to say other is obviously not a fan of this particular genre of film or just a blatant asstard without any taste for true cinematic genius.

The music is also great,I love it's familiarity to the films of  the past. I even loved the opening song cause it reminded me of "Cannibal Holocaust". Many have argued that it is the same song, but it's a few notes short of being the same song and even if it is, who cares? It's great nonetheless and every great film needs memorable music and this film has it. All the right elements of an instant classick that Hollywood may try to ruin years down the line by making a remake or a Broadway show out of it.

By now, you the readers know this film is definitely on my top list of films to watch and that should be owned by true fans of this genre. I appreciate and love everything about this film and I don't expect every to have the same feelings and can care what negative press has been put out by lame wad, over zealous critics that think their word is law. I see what I want and if I like what I see it get's my honest opinion and i serve it out to the people sans the bullshit or without looking for any kind of pay off. If you haven't seen this film and are a fan of this type of film SHAME ON YOU. However, you still have plenty of time to watch. Sure you can watch it on netflix which is awesome, but I think it's definitely worth owning and you should most definitely go out and pick up a copy A.S.A.P. It's far beyond worth it and you also get some nifty extra's you can't see on a netflix stream. So now with all said I can end this all by giving "Hobo With A Shotgun" Five Shotgun Victims out of Five.

5/5

Chromeskull: Laid To Rest II (2011)

Cast: Brian Austin Green, Thomas Dekker and Mimi Michaels

Writers: Kevin Bocarde, Robert Hall

Director: Robert Hall

When I went to my friend's house and found out he had a screener copy of "Chromeskull: Laid To Rest II" and waited to see it with me, I nearly shit myself and was happy and grateful. I waited patiently to see this film since they announced the sequel. The first came to me as a slap in the face, seeing that at the time I saw the film, I only  heard of it and ignored it many times when I would see it on the shelves in "Best Buy". Finally the day came when I got to see the film at my brother's house on netflix. We sat there an thought "the worst that can happen is we lose 90 minutes of our lives". We were wrong, whereas we both immediately fell in love with the film.. Everything from the familiar cast of Bobbi Sue Luther (Night Of The Demons 2009), Kevin Gage (Strangeland), Lena Headey (Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles), Sean Whalen (The People Under The Stairs) and more. However, I've already written a review for the first film and probably mentioned how much I loved it. So I'll go on about my thoughts about the second film.

"Chromeskull: Laid To Rest II" is a direct sequel to the first, meaning it picks up where the first left off. Only this time replacing Bobbie Sue Luther as "The Girl" is the beautiful Allison Kyler (TBK: The Toolbox Murders 2). we see her and "Tommy" (Thomas Dekker) Drive off as they did in the ending of the first film and the Cops and EMT units arrive. To find a very much defeated, yet still alive, Chromeskull. The films picks up from there.

Once again, the gore effects were really good as they were in the original. Chromeskull's new face is one only a mother can love and the "monster' is now truly a monster.  We get a nice new arsenal and some pretty brutal and unique death sequences, but I think the body count could've been a bit bigger. Still it'll keep the blood hounds pleased, assuming they were fans of the first film. You also get a glimpse at Chromeskull's weapons creators and a nice weapons cage filled with different types of fun toys. Unfortunately, they're not put to much use cause he keeps it old school.

The plot does thicken and leaves you wondering and asking question about Chromeskull and others that apparently work for him including "Preston" (Brian Austin Green)  and "Spann" (Danielle Harris) whom appear to be his most faithful and devoted, or is their more that meets the eye to them?

All and all I enjoyed the film, it was a pretty decent sequel, but, there are a lot of unanswered questions that will likely be answered down the road. Yes there is going to undoubtedly be a sequel and I do hope it's not as secretive as this one. Though the build really makes yo want to know wtf is going on. Aside from learning that his work may in fact be for a live or prerecorded snuff business. Also make sure to watch the credits when something else is revealed that will have the fans really in awe. I know leave you with my rating on "Chromeskull: Laid To Rest II" being 4.5 Chromesulls out of 5.

4.5/5

Fright Night (2011)

CAST: Anton Yelchin, Colin Farrell and David Tennant

Writer: Marti Noxon

Director: Craig Gillespie

As many "TRUE" Horror fan all of our favorite classics are being remade into crappy marketing tools for a legion of pseudo Horror fans. These Miscreants watch the remakes of the films of yesteryear and actually like them and have the audacity to rank on the originals and the fans alike. This review however is not about these poor, unfortunate, brainless slaves to conglomerate media waste and about a recent piece of that waste that was unleashed to the public with no respect for the comedic genius of the original at all. So "Welcome To Fright Night" the shitty remake.

Don't get me wrong, their are a few remakes that I deem watchable and actually enjoy. But, Like I said, only a few. This one however, -if you haven't guessed by now I hated it- was one of the worst remakes I have ever seen. The plot of the original was so simplistic, yet I knew Hollywood was completely capable of screwing it up, because let's be serious when has Hollywood released anything credible to being a great horror film? In my opinion, not since the 90's. Usually if it is great, it's unheard of and I have a list of some very good films released in the cinema over the past 10 years that never got the exposure they deserved. Because they weren't all clean and polished like the rest of the mediocre crap released for the popcorn chomping ass goblins.

The plot to the original was about a strange neighbor moving in next door to local high school geek "Charlie Brewster"(William Ragsdale), who begins to get an obsession over the neighbor "Jerry Dandrige"(Chris Sarandon), leading him to discover that his neighbor is a vampire. Trying to warn his cynical Girlfriend "Amy"(Amanda Bearse) and bestfriend "Evil Ed"(Stephen Geoffreys), they think he's losing his mind and hire late night Horror movie host and Legend "Peter Vincent"(Roddy Mcdowall) However. The remake is nothing like this, Charlie (Anton Yelchin) is one of the popular kids, Ed (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) is even more of an outcast and not a close friend to Charlie at all and Peter Vincent (David Tennant) might as well have been played by Criss Angel.

Ed even get's taken out of the equation and isn't seen again till towards the middle/end of the film. He doesn't turn into a wolf either. Yep, Mcluvin was screwed in this film. Colin Farrell was I guess right for the looks of a modern day attractive vampire but not for acting like Jerry. I don't think anyone can top the brilliance and sarcasm of Chris Sarandon's character. The film was meant to be comical and I think Sarandon over emphasizing on words in the original was pretty damn funny. Especially when he said the words "Welcome to FRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT NIIIIIIGGGGGHT, For real" Unlike Farrell whom merely uttered te words with no enthusiasm what so ever.  Sarandon would eat and dispose, Farrell would harvest for an army of the undead to try and create a town of vampires. While this may sound good and had the ability to be a major effort over the original it was executed completely wrong.

Peter Vincent, looked like a mock Criss Angel, which was obviously what they were going for. Especially since his hair and such were all fake. Cute! However I like my older Peter Vincent, not Peter Vincent looking like my older brother. Amy (Imogen Poots) was hot, and I liked her character cause she was still nimble and sweet and didn't care if Charlie was popular or not. Yet Charlie was still a pompous ass with a hot girl and a hot mom "Jane"(Toni Collete). Ed had everything figured out in the first 5 mins of the film. Yeah I thought the film was about Charlie figuring it out and everyone thinking him insane? The film only offers some more blood, some lame modern comedy and if you're lucky some tits.

All and all this film is bad, and is aimed at the MTV generation. The plot is shot to shit and not even that funny. There's a huge lack of character and character development. A lot of CGI and a lot of extra crap added in that was completely UNNECESSARY! What makes this film "suck-cessful'? The "suckers" waiting to sink their teeth in it for the sake of being fans of the vampire genre and wanting to see something that isn't "Twilight". But at least with "Twilight" you know what you're getting yourself into. "Fright Night 2011" However, well..... IT JUST SUCKS!!!!

2/5