The Vomit Gore Trilogy (2006 - 2010) Boxed Set Released 2011

Cast: Ameara Lavey, Hank Skinny, Hope Likens

Writer: Lucifer Valentine

Director: Lucifer Valentine

I've decided that I will now start my reviews on video. This is my first video review and I think it's rather well. The Vomit Gore Trilogy takes you on a slow ride to hell and feeds you unmerciful visions of suffering in pure artistic form. Check out my review to see what I fully think of the entire series and way this vomitous series   earned a totall of 5 Barf Bags out of 5.

Defective Man (2009)

Cast: Paul Alsing, Arturo Negro, Stephen W. Eckles

Writers: D. Ryan Mowry, Stephen W. Eckles

Director: D. Ryan Mowry

Superheros, they fight crime, they fly, they're big and strong and perfect in every way imaginable. They all have their origins also, Batman's parents were killed when he was a kid so he used his riches for nifty gadgets. Superman is an alien that uses his power for good, and The Toxic Avenger uses his mop to bash in some heads. Now there is a new hero amongst us, sure he's not faster than a speeding bullet or able to leap tall buildings. He does however possess the uncanny ability to make you laugh your ass off. His name is "Defective Man" and he and his superhero team are taking Albuquerque, NM by storm. Do they possess the power ans strength to rid the streets of it's evil doers? Let's find out!

Defective Man was once a normal Joe like you and I. He worked an everyday 9 to 5 until one day, he and his co-worker became the victims of a nasty chemical unleashing them with the powers of... That's right they have no super powers. But that doesn't stop this autistic duo from fighting crime and saving their beloved home town from they evil clutches of "Hevvy Flow"(Haylee Nelson)  and her right hand crony "Ronny Tobins" (Trent Haaga). Assembling a team of not so extraordinary gentlemen, Defective man and Horn dog set out to fight crime along with Captain Orange Piss and Bill Gill in hopes of a better tomorrow for Albuquerque.

I thought this films was fun and entertaining. This is a must for fans of LBP and Troma or even anyone that likes witty and satirical films. The characters are balls out hilarious and are definitely unforgettable (How can you forget about a guy with a luchador mask with a dildo hanging from it, one that pisses orange, one with a fish head and one with a towel for a cape?) I enjoyed all referencing to other films and TV shows (which I will not ruin for any of you) and I really enjoyed the randomness of the film.

Defective Man is a non stop comical ride of satire and hilarious pop culture references. You'll laugh and laugh some more with this films over the top humor. You get dose after dose of tasteless and tasteful humor and cameo appearance by Billy Garberina, Elske McCain, and father Troma himself Lloyd Kaufman (audio in deleted scenes) The DVD extras include not one but two audio commentary tracks, close to twenty minutes of deleted scenes and more. Defective Man is a must see for fans that enjoy these types of films and is by far one of my newest favorite films. With that said I gave Defective Man five Ka-Pow's out of five.

5/5

(The fifth Ka-pow appears to be "Defective")





Find Out More About Defective Man @
http://www.sb-films.com/
https://www.facebook.com/defective.man.movie

Chop (2011)

Cast: Will Keenan, Timothy Muskatell, Chad Ferrin

Writer: Adam Minarovich

Director: Trent Haaga

When the name "Trent Haaga comes to mind, one quote is always said by myself "Trent is the man". Actor, Producer, Writer and now making his Directorial debut with which is perhaps one of the best and by far the most original revenge films I have ever seen. Trent proves more and more that he is in fact an amazing talent and has much to offer the world of independent film and of course to all the blood thirsty fans that like the site of red with a nice dose of humor and psychology. That's exactly what you get whilst watching many of the films he's involved in. Although He did not write "Chop", He did bring to life the very well written idea and the film delivers the goods for fans of dark humor. I now present to you my review of "Chop" In "Will Keenan" Scream-o-imaging.

The story for this film is centered around a man by the name of Lance Reed (Keenan Credited as Billy Bakshi) whom is forced to dig through his sins of the past by a psychopath (Muskatell) that is slowly dismembering Reed, mentally, emotionally and of course physically. Seeing Reed in his fragile state, is he the victim or does his punishment fit his past? Want the answers? Watch the film, you won't regret it.

I felt the overall idea of the film was cool, especially since I am a fan of revenge films. This one was no ordinary revenge flick though. It took the idea of revenge to a much different level and that's what makes this one tops in my book. The plot is brilliant and the dialog is subtle and comical, as is the psychology of the Psychopaths actions. The dark comical aspect of the plot makes the film haunting and disturbing. While many may not see it as "disturbing" cause they've seen something worse. The idea is to draw yourself into the situation either as the antagonist or the protagonist. With doing so with this film you can't decide which side of the street is bumpier, and while this bumpy ride is fun it's also chilling.

The characters and character development worked at a steady pace and was fun to watch. Especially since there were appearances by quite a few familiar faces including the always memorable Camille Keaton and a rather hilarious performance by the write of the film himself "Adam Minarovich".  Will Keenan's performance was top notch as usual, reminding me why he became one of my favorite actors. His character ranged from emotion to emotion and was believable and unbelievable in such a brilliant blend that it contributes so much to the film. Timothy Muskatell also delivered a stellar performance both comedic and haunting and definitely unforgettable. The two together make each scene better and better and totally make this film worth the price you pay.

The Blood and kill factor is pretty decent. Sure it's not an over the top gore fest but you do get a sweet amount of red and some pretty funny death and creative scenes of death and torture which will definitely make you smile. The fx are pretty sweet also and the shots add for better effectiveness for each scene giving off much tasty, bloody goodness. So if you like sadistic and weird, you'll definitely get that in some of these death sequences. One thing is for sure you will enjoy and you won't forget.

My overall opinion of the film (if you haven't guessed by now) is "Chop" for true fans of independent cinema and it should not be missed. This film has it's share of everything and is on point in more ways than one. This goes high on my list of best films of 2011. The film had an amazing cast and crew behind it and I would definitely bank my buck on any future endeavors of the lot whether or not they're working together. Fantastic Acting, fantastic Writing, fantastic Directing and a brilliant Score. "Chop" has all the fundamental elements of an instant classick and is beyond the shadow of a doubt a masterpiece. With that said I give "Chop" a swinging 5 axes out of 5.

Hobo With A Shotgun (2011)

Cast: Rutger Hauer, Pasha Ebrahimi and Robb Wells

Writers: John Davies, Jason Eisener, Rob Cotterill

Director: Jason Eisener

Okay, This is perhaps, in my opinion, the GREATEST film ever made. Do you like Blood, Guts, Gore and MADNESS? Well "Hobo With A Shotgun" definitely delivers a wide variety of of the red stuff and twisted dark humor. "Hobo With A Shotgun" was first scene in Robert Rodriguez's Grindhouse trailer contest called "South By Southwest" and won the contest, having the then "faux" trailer (starring David Brunt as the "Hobo"), shown in Canada along side of the other Faux trailers in the theatrical release of Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's "Grindhouse Double Feature". Myself as well as other fans were in love with the idea of the film and wished it real. Behold, our prayers were answered and the films lived up to every expectation I could ever expect.

"Welcome to fuck town" a city that is run and pretty much owned by the sinister "Drake" (Brian Downey) and his two goony sons "Slick" (Gregory Smith) and "Ivan" (Nick Bateman). The City where our kind hearted "Hobo" (Rutger Hauer) comes for a new start and boy does he get one. After seeing several acts of cruelty and violence and after being attacked and tossed out like garbage, our kind hearted hero decides it's time to clean the streets the only he knows how, WITH A SHOTGUN. That's right, he joins the bumfight krew to earn enough money to clean the streets one shell at a time.

"Hobo With A Shotgun" is a relentless, brutal, balls through the wall, dark comedic splatter fest, Which in every way pays full homage to exploitation cinema. It's the film Machete wished it could be and with film a much lesser budget. There was no massive over used CGI and no all star cast of A-list actors, it was done the way any new filmmaker trying to break out into the film industry should be able to do a film, WITH BALLS. This film is definitely a gem in it's own right and all the big time directors trying to mimic the Grindhouse "feel" should probably watch films like this, "Run! Bitch Run!" and take down a few notes. Also remember that films shown in Grindhouse theaters lacked CGI.

The story is great and is consistent, it does is drift left, right and fall out of a window. It keeps with great pace, intense dialog and of course an abundance of violence. The acting is also very memorable to the exploitation films of the past and is also the threading piece that helps keep the film together. I did like David Brunt's performance in the trailer, but Rutger Hauer was an excellent choice to replace Brunt with, whom by the way has an appearance in the film as one of the cops. So he was still apart of it which is always excellent.

The violence and gore was satisfactory and definitely over the top in the blood depot. I wouldn't know where to begin with the symphony of butchery displayed in this film as to not ruin it for the fans that have yet to see it. But to describe it in a nutshell all I can say is EPIC. If you know anyone that shocks easy, has a soft stomach or doesn't like too much violence in their eye diet, make them watch this. In the end they'll either hate you or love you for showing them one of the greatest films of 2011. For anyone to say other is obviously not a fan of this particular genre of film or just a blatant asstard without any taste for true cinematic genius.

The music is also great,I love it's familiarity to the films of  the past. I even loved the opening song cause it reminded me of "Cannibal Holocaust". Many have argued that it is the same song, but it's a few notes short of being the same song and even if it is, who cares? It's great nonetheless and every great film needs memorable music and this film has it. All the right elements of an instant classick that Hollywood may try to ruin years down the line by making a remake or a Broadway show out of it.

By now, you the readers know this film is definitely on my top list of films to watch and that should be owned by true fans of this genre. I appreciate and love everything about this film and I don't expect every to have the same feelings and can care what negative press has been put out by lame wad, over zealous critics that think their word is law. I see what I want and if I like what I see it get's my honest opinion and i serve it out to the people sans the bullshit or without looking for any kind of pay off. If you haven't seen this film and are a fan of this type of film SHAME ON YOU. However, you still have plenty of time to watch. Sure you can watch it on netflix which is awesome, but I think it's definitely worth owning and you should most definitely go out and pick up a copy A.S.A.P. It's far beyond worth it and you also get some nifty extra's you can't see on a netflix stream. So now with all said I can end this all by giving "Hobo With A Shotgun" Five Shotgun Victims out of Five.

5/5

Chromeskull: Laid To Rest II (2011)

Cast: Brian Austin Green, Thomas Dekker and Mimi Michaels

Writers: Kevin Bocarde, Robert Hall

Director: Robert Hall

When I went to my friend's house and found out he had a screener copy of "Chromeskull: Laid To Rest II" and waited to see it with me, I nearly shit myself and was happy and grateful. I waited patiently to see this film since they announced the sequel. The first came to me as a slap in the face, seeing that at the time I saw the film, I only  heard of it and ignored it many times when I would see it on the shelves in "Best Buy". Finally the day came when I got to see the film at my brother's house on netflix. We sat there an thought "the worst that can happen is we lose 90 minutes of our lives". We were wrong, whereas we both immediately fell in love with the film.. Everything from the familiar cast of Bobbi Sue Luther (Night Of The Demons 2009), Kevin Gage (Strangeland), Lena Headey (Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles), Sean Whalen (The People Under The Stairs) and more. However, I've already written a review for the first film and probably mentioned how much I loved it. So I'll go on about my thoughts about the second film.

"Chromeskull: Laid To Rest II" is a direct sequel to the first, meaning it picks up where the first left off. Only this time replacing Bobbie Sue Luther as "The Girl" is the beautiful Allison Kyler (TBK: The Toolbox Murders 2). we see her and "Tommy" (Thomas Dekker) Drive off as they did in the ending of the first film and the Cops and EMT units arrive. To find a very much defeated, yet still alive, Chromeskull. The films picks up from there.

Once again, the gore effects were really good as they were in the original. Chromeskull's new face is one only a mother can love and the "monster' is now truly a monster.  We get a nice new arsenal and some pretty brutal and unique death sequences, but I think the body count could've been a bit bigger. Still it'll keep the blood hounds pleased, assuming they were fans of the first film. You also get a glimpse at Chromeskull's weapons creators and a nice weapons cage filled with different types of fun toys. Unfortunately, they're not put to much use cause he keeps it old school.

The plot does thicken and leaves you wondering and asking question about Chromeskull and others that apparently work for him including "Preston" (Brian Austin Green)  and "Spann" (Danielle Harris) whom appear to be his most faithful and devoted, or is their more that meets the eye to them?

All and all I enjoyed the film, it was a pretty decent sequel, but, there are a lot of unanswered questions that will likely be answered down the road. Yes there is going to undoubtedly be a sequel and I do hope it's not as secretive as this one. Though the build really makes yo want to know wtf is going on. Aside from learning that his work may in fact be for a live or prerecorded snuff business. Also make sure to watch the credits when something else is revealed that will have the fans really in awe. I know leave you with my rating on "Chromeskull: Laid To Rest II" being 4.5 Chromesulls out of 5.

4.5/5

Fright Night (2011)

CAST: Anton Yelchin, Colin Farrell and David Tennant

Writer: Marti Noxon

Director: Craig Gillespie

As many "TRUE" Horror fan all of our favorite classics are being remade into crappy marketing tools for a legion of pseudo Horror fans. These Miscreants watch the remakes of the films of yesteryear and actually like them and have the audacity to rank on the originals and the fans alike. This review however is not about these poor, unfortunate, brainless slaves to conglomerate media waste and about a recent piece of that waste that was unleashed to the public with no respect for the comedic genius of the original at all. So "Welcome To Fright Night" the shitty remake.

Don't get me wrong, their are a few remakes that I deem watchable and actually enjoy. But, Like I said, only a few. This one however, -if you haven't guessed by now I hated it- was one of the worst remakes I have ever seen. The plot of the original was so simplistic, yet I knew Hollywood was completely capable of screwing it up, because let's be serious when has Hollywood released anything credible to being a great horror film? In my opinion, not since the 90's. Usually if it is great, it's unheard of and I have a list of some very good films released in the cinema over the past 10 years that never got the exposure they deserved. Because they weren't all clean and polished like the rest of the mediocre crap released for the popcorn chomping ass goblins.

The plot to the original was about a strange neighbor moving in next door to local high school geek "Charlie Brewster"(William Ragsdale), who begins to get an obsession over the neighbor "Jerry Dandrige"(Chris Sarandon), leading him to discover that his neighbor is a vampire. Trying to warn his cynical Girlfriend "Amy"(Amanda Bearse) and bestfriend "Evil Ed"(Stephen Geoffreys), they think he's losing his mind and hire late night Horror movie host and Legend "Peter Vincent"(Roddy Mcdowall) However. The remake is nothing like this, Charlie (Anton Yelchin) is one of the popular kids, Ed (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) is even more of an outcast and not a close friend to Charlie at all and Peter Vincent (David Tennant) might as well have been played by Criss Angel.

Ed even get's taken out of the equation and isn't seen again till towards the middle/end of the film. He doesn't turn into a wolf either. Yep, Mcluvin was screwed in this film. Colin Farrell was I guess right for the looks of a modern day attractive vampire but not for acting like Jerry. I don't think anyone can top the brilliance and sarcasm of Chris Sarandon's character. The film was meant to be comical and I think Sarandon over emphasizing on words in the original was pretty damn funny. Especially when he said the words "Welcome to FRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT NIIIIIIGGGGGHT, For real" Unlike Farrell whom merely uttered te words with no enthusiasm what so ever.  Sarandon would eat and dispose, Farrell would harvest for an army of the undead to try and create a town of vampires. While this may sound good and had the ability to be a major effort over the original it was executed completely wrong.

Peter Vincent, looked like a mock Criss Angel, which was obviously what they were going for. Especially since his hair and such were all fake. Cute! However I like my older Peter Vincent, not Peter Vincent looking like my older brother. Amy (Imogen Poots) was hot, and I liked her character cause she was still nimble and sweet and didn't care if Charlie was popular or not. Yet Charlie was still a pompous ass with a hot girl and a hot mom "Jane"(Toni Collete). Ed had everything figured out in the first 5 mins of the film. Yeah I thought the film was about Charlie figuring it out and everyone thinking him insane? The film only offers some more blood, some lame modern comedy and if you're lucky some tits.

All and all this film is bad, and is aimed at the MTV generation. The plot is shot to shit and not even that funny. There's a huge lack of character and character development. A lot of CGI and a lot of extra crap added in that was completely UNNECESSARY! What makes this film "suck-cessful'? The "suckers" waiting to sink their teeth in it for the sake of being fans of the vampire genre and wanting to see something that isn't "Twilight". But at least with "Twilight" you know what you're getting yourself into. "Fright Night 2011" However, well..... IT JUST SUCKS!!!!

2/5

Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker (2001) and Filthy McNasty (2002)

Cast: Missy Donatuti, Chris Seaver, Mike Nicolai, Debbie Rochon, Miss Kitty and Tim Ekkebus

Writer: Chris Seaver

Director: Chris Seaver

Since the DVD is a double feature presentation, I thought I'd make my review a Double Feature Review. Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker and Filthy McNasty, were the second and third films I got to see from the LBP library. I don't quite remember how I got the DVD, but if I had to recap I'd say, It was a dark and stormy night in Villa John Stamos, when an odd little hairy man approached me and fondled me inappropriately and said "It's Boy". No that doesn't work either, however, these films sunk me deeper into the wild world of LBP and made me even more of a fan craving more of their tasteless delicious flavor.

In "Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker", we follow Mulva (Missy Donatuti), an eccentric young girl who is addicted to sugar who is about to embark on a Halloween crusade for plenty of candy to fill her candy lust. Along with her morbidly Obese side kick Cassie (Calley Thidemann), the two have several run ins with Mclargehuge (Mike Nicolai) and is evil side kick Takateru (Joe Anime), an interesting run in with Lady McPouchsweat (Debbie Rochon) and her husband J. Vanbrunt (Trent Haaga)and of course a run in with a horde of malicious break dancing zombies trying to rule Tromaville and ruin Halloween. Joined and led to fight by the bad ass Mr. Bonejack (Chris Seaver), Mulva heads to the town square where they're also joined by Teen Ape (Teen Ape) and his sexy tromette in hopes to save tromaville to get filled with the Mayor's (Lloyd Kaufman) chunky dick snot.

The film is of course shot on a low budget and like many has short run time, but is insanely hilarious. I have a heart for true indie when it's done correctly and well LBP certainly does deliver on that scale. You get your share of bloody cheesy death and gross out humor in this lovely little Halloween treat as well as a fun little dance sequence and a Benny Hill Homage. It gives me a warm wet spot in a very very special place. (My hear you perverts) I definitely felt a win purchase with buying this one, All that wackyness is right up my... alley? And definitely get's a well deserved five candies out of five. Yep I said it, bitch!

In "Filthy McNasty", we follow the geeky geekness of Julie (Debbie Rochon) and Liz (Ms. Kitty) as they yearn to be hot and popular and have no idea how to make their dreams come to fruition. They are later visited by an odd classmate who has them partake in an evil ritual to give them their desires. Julie is visitor in her sleep by Phil (Tim Ekkebus) the demon that grants their wish and tells them he will eventually collect, when she awakens her and Liz are now smoking hot, mouth watering babes that take their school by storm and are immediately invited to a bash with all the all the popular kids. A bash so great Teen Ape shows up, a bash so great someone masturbates with shit, a bash so great Phil decides it's time to come and collect by raping and killing everyone until Bonejack comes along and saves the day.

Again, more tastefully tasteless humor in all of it's glory. One thing I loved and couldn't stop laughing about was the box of "Mario Van Pebbles" cereal, that was just a stroke of genius in my opinion. The randomness of this film and many a film in the LBP library can be equal but unmatched to many of the great screwball comedies of the past. That totally gives this delicious bowl of bad taste five refills of cereal out of five.

Overall, both films are definitely win in my book and I have to admit I have yet to be disappointed by LBP, you get what you pay for, but they do it right. I've seen films that seemed to try to mimic similar gross out humor and fail cause all I can think was "They're trying to hard to be LBP" to the point where they had certain lame characters re-appear in other of there films. There is only own LBP and can be only one and again as the doors close, it's great to have bared witness to some of the greatest truly independent releases and I can only wish there were more demented minds out there like my own that could equally love the hysteria. But at least us, the cult that follows don't keep a proverbial cynical cinema stick up our asses and run around critiquing the little guy with our Hollywood budget bull hockey and our over zealous film knowledge like many out and about. We appreciate the lower things in life cause frankly they entertain us, film should always be meant to entertain and most of the time "Bad Taste" is the best taste to have. This full DVD package gets ten out of 10

10/10